Today's Junk Mail

I do it. You do it. We all do it. We get sucked in to giving our email addresss to retailers who promise to send YOU, their valued customer, deep discounts in the form of - wait for it - junk (e)mail. So far, I am anxiously awaiting the next BIG DEAL from Groupon, Living Social, the Gilt Group, airlines, Lululemon, Lucy, Nordstrom, and the list goes on. But today's junk email was ridiculous. For example:

• Victoria's Secret emailed me because they "want to make my workout incredible." Really? I'm pretty sure even you, VS, cannot help me run sub-8:00 miles. Incredible would actually be me finishing all my 400m intervals at a speed I could share with others.

• Betty Crocker proposes that tonight I have "Burgers, Bloody Marys and Bacon Bars." Obviously, good ole Betty doesn't know about my track workout for tonight and how anything with red meat in this heat sounds vomit-inducing. Even a Bloody Mary sounds too heavy.

• Lululemon promises that they have "the jacket I've been waiting for." In August? I can't even imagine anything with sleeves until the humidity drops below 50% or the combination of today's temperature and humidity level does not exceed 150. Dear Lululemon, Please resend in 60 days. xoxo, Robin

So what silly nonsense have you received lately?